A Cry That Cost A Lot

A glaring day. 

Tiny pearls of sweat kept dripping at every second when temperature rose towards its peak. It was so uncontrollable. All of a sudden, an eagle's cries could be heard across the hills. The remaining leaves moved by it, shook nervously as it passed by them, helpless were they in an unanswered question of the fate that fell onto them which they could not defy, not the least a bit, not at all. 

The eagle cried again, followed by a devastating shriek that could break a hill into halves, when each sound of a giant machine brought down the trees to kiss the warm ground. This time loosening it up and like a flash bringing down all that were in its path.  As the last one standing, before facing its unprecedented fate, the eagle's voice was lost in the wind that brought it to an unknown destination...

Who would listen to it now?

© 2014 Balqis

The Moment

A cold morning, the sun is still covered by a dewy veil. The little birdies perch on the balcony of my room.  They had just sung me a "Good Morning" song. How nice! Our different tongues aren’t a barrier of communication for me to understand them and they understand me. Their presence always starts my day with a smile. Without them, my morning isn't complete. I'd rather give up my morning tea but not these lovelies.

I watch the sun rising slowly from behind the blue mountain. It reveals itself  in a soft glow of orange. For awhile, it teases me by hiding for a minute or two behind the cottony clouds. I savour the moment and another smile on my lips.

Sunny Sun is playful today. One minute he flanks his brightest smile that puts a warm glow on my face.  The next minute, he disappears behind the early morning clouds. Well, after all it's still early in the morning and he isn't in any rush to do anything that will make him busy too soon. He still has a long day and I have mine, too.

Right now the stars are sleeping. I have always hoped that Sunny Sun will accompany me whole day long until it's time for him to retire  at the horizon. What I dread most is when out of the blue, it rains in midday. The sudden rain is likely to drench my heart badly. I could see signs of gloominess lurking at the far side of the horizon. I'm trying to shoo them away so that my good day isn't spoiled.

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Now, I'm sitting alone on the cliff by the beach. A breath-taking beauty is appeasing my eyes as far as I could see it.  Breathing in the cool evening air is like breathing the whole lot of unique creation which I could call paradise. And that alone is so fulfilling, at least for a heart that had been shattered and tattered. 

There, Sunny Sun is about to bid me adieu. This farewell is going to be very dramatic. The swaying palm leaves sing melodies so soothing I could never get enough of. Ripples from the sea gently hit the shore and ensure the soft sands are in their tender care. The sea birds sing to each other calling it a day. The crickets start their night melody.

Sunny Sun slowly disappears at the horizon leaving me with the breeze which gently caresses my face and whispers to me he will be back at some other days. As the last streak of light leaves the dim orange sky, there somewhere above me appears the first twinkle of the night.

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A Hornbill Rambles

Each morning when she wakes up, she feels blessed to be able to see the light again after in darkness the past seven hours, that was when her whole being was at rest though her mind was wandering in dreamland. The fresh air and soft morning dew hydrate her soul and for another day, she feels there is life in her. She looks forward to seeing great things happening in the day though she might not see all. It thrills  her to bits thinking of the surprises she will get; the nice people she will meet, a sweet mail from someone - she hopes to get, meeting her mom and siblings and catching up some chats or simply tending to the flowers and making sure they are getting enough care to bloom beautifully. These are some rambling which resurface from the core of her heart.

Life has not been too beautiful but her thoughts make it beautiful. Sometimes, she feels she is lost in hopes, in dreams, but she still dares to dream like there never is any defying factor to it. Though it is a far reached hope to catch the glitters at the end of the tunnel, the hope is not yet totally lost in the debris of life. It is not an easy task to achieve triumphantly what she wholly desires. She could relate to the saying of her people -  it is not easy to achieve the best; it is not difficult to get the worst. Indeed how true it is. Wise saying can sometimes be a torch on a moonless night.

It is the year end now and she asks herself, what had she done the past 11 months? What is it that brings a significant change in her life and career? Believe it or not, she does not like to make resolutions because her resolutions will remain as they are till the end of December! Then again, some of the things she likes to do are like self-empowerment which boosts her spirit to look at the positive side of things; other than that, her commitment  in completing the tasks assigned to her – not to please her boss but more towards her responsibility and fulfilling it. After all, she is paid. Arggh…that familiar line which makes her ponder whether she lives to work or she works to live. Whatever! What is important, she is surviving.

The sudden burst of fire crackers startles her. Oh! Why so soon when New Year will only be celebrated in about three weeks’ time?  Some people are too anxious. She giggles. She is also wondering how the celebration will be this year. Once, during the display of fireworks in her home town, the firecrackers were shooting sideways instead of upwards. What a bad start of the year!

December is always a cold month; snow in the west, rain in the east. Somehow in her heart there is always a flame burning which makes her feel the warmth , be it for herself or her special thoughts for those she cares.  Before the month ends, she will be gone but not too long.

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The Sweetest Recollection

She looked at the old suitcase and like a flash of lightning the sweet memories of it came back to her mind. It was the suitcase her father bought for her and for the very first time, she would be carrying that black suitcase to a college; a new destination which she thought would be a good place for her future. Somehow or rather, she was pulled back by the dilemma whether to go or not.

In the first place, she did not intend to go there for she had other plans on mind. It was as if it was fated she would be there as she had accepted the offer and signed the related documents which would grant access to the door of the institution. She did not show much joy unlike her family, siblings and relatives who all gave a hand to make preparations before her departure.  They were all so excited which she understood as putting the hope on her to be among those who would bring pride to the family

It was for the very first time too, she would be leaving her family and alone on her own to face another phase of her education path.

How happy and contented her father looked the night he packed her clothes in the suitcase. Being a systematic type of person, he arranged neatly all her belongings, making sure everything was included. Mama was busy too packing some of the things which she would use while her sisters and brothers were talking noisily of how much they loved to follow her. She looked lovingly at them and had a sudden feeling that she would miss so much those cute faces. They were always together; playing, studying and quarreling!

The day came when she boarded a small plane to another place which to her was like  going to another country as she had never left her little home town. She could feel tears streaming down her cheeks. Why was she crying, she did not understand though she was a grown-up girl – a teenager.  Arghhhhh…it could be she was leaving her comfort zone and like a little bird had to learn to spread her wings to fly further.

On the day she arrived at the college, she cried again. Oh! When would this going to stop? Her heart was still at home! She felt homesick and started to think of her mama, father and everyone else and right at that moment she had wanted to be back home. How naive she was!

During the orientation week, she could not stand what the seniors told them, the ‘freshies’, to do. It was a whole week packed with activities and she could not adjust herself to the new environment. As early as 6 o’clock in the morning, they were told to get out of the hostel and had the early morning exercise. She was not an athlete and when they had to run around the field, she panted like a dog!  Back at the hostel, she threw herself on the bed and had some rest before attending the next programme.

In the beginning it was like hating to be in that college but towards the end, it was a different story. She felt this was the right place for her where she got to learn to be independent, knowledge-wise able to learn more than in school and she got to know more people and made friends who came from diverse backgrounds. It was so much fun having many friends around whom she regarded as her family. She had some very close ones who were always by her side and supported her throughout the college days.

After a two-year study, it was time for her to pack her things again and this time going back home. The irony was she started to feel so sad leaving such a beautiful place. When would she be back there again? When would she be able to have fun swimming using a float in the college’s swimming pool?  She would certainly miss all the fun she had with friends; sharing food, sneaking into the college vegetable garden to pick some spinach without the lecturer’s knowledge, playing hockey which was not her forte and which made her leg bruised, well, those were among the sweetest moments she would never forget.

College life had taught her so much If she were not there, she would not be able to further her next level of study for a bachelor’s degree. It was the path she had to take before stepping onto the campus ground and after four years, she got her degree’s scroll on the auspicious occasion in the grand hall of the university.  Her mama was there but not her father. The person who was an idol and who gave much inspirations to her was not able to witness her receiving the university’s scroll from the honorable vice-chancellor of University Putra Malaysia. How she wished he was there but in spirit she felt his presence who smiled proudly at her.  If only he was there in real, he would have received the most precious gift from his daughter – a scroll as a proof that he was right the day he sent her to further her studies.  He was called to rest before her graduation. She loved him so much but she knew the Lord loved him more.

She looked at the black suitcase again. She did not realize her cheeks were wet with tears.

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The Promised Happiness That Never Was

Sara looked far into the darkness of the night. The owl was hooting somewhere among the trees that looked grotesque and eerie.  It was so painstakingly calling out for the moon to brighten the darkness but in vain, the moon seemed to be comfortable hiding behind the dark clouds.

It would be dead silence if not for the hooting owl and crickets that intermingled and produced some kind of solemn music. Sara's mind was in turmoil. Her eyes were swollen as if she had cried tears of blood. Who would understand that big pain in her heart? Who would be able to remove the burden of the heavy stone on her shoulders? It was so unbearable, but she must carry it.

She had never regretted coming this far and facing the bitterness of life. A big lesson to be learned, if it had to be so. Sara being so naive would easily put the blame on herself though she did not deserve it. Helpless as she was, it was beyond her mean to learn what were in store for her. She was a cheerful and chirpy type of person who just loved the company of friends or just anyone. But tonight, all the cheerfulness and chirpiness had gone into the cold dark night; she felt everything had turned stone-cold. She was grief-stricken, not because of losing anyone she loved but for what was beyond her expectation. With a deep sigh of sadness, her mind wandered back to what had happened earlier......

The music from the radio was at full blast. She had wanted to switch it off  but no! she was not in any position of having the right to do so, even if it was right in her home. Aidil looked furious, his anger knew no bounds. A petty matter to Sara but everything boiled up.....and he avenged on anything he could get hold of not sparing the radio to full blast. Their son, poor innocent little boy, was the cause of it all. A little bit mischievous and accidentally, he had broken an expensive antique jar in the living room. And the blame was on Sara for not taking good care of their son. Not keeping him under her watchful eyes every minute of the hour and  not disciplining him to be a good boy.

"You brainless woman!," shouted Aidil in fury. Sara was startled. Brainless? Was I born brainless? She was thinking quickly as she felt the sharp pierce of the words into her eardrums.

She fought back and said, "How dare you say that! My parents brought me into this world with brain!"

Voices full of rage could be heard in the house. Her son was crying and Sara was holding him tight in her arms and she was in tears too which were uncontrollable tears like torrents of rain.

"I regret marrying you for you don't even know your responsibilities as a wife and mother!" shouted Aidil.

That was too much for Sara. She could not stand it any longer. She cried out, "Who in the first place wooed me? There were so many other guys who had wanted to befriend me but you!.. you were chasing after me like .......". She could not say it....she choked because the word she wanted to say was  really a bad word. She could not say it in front of her son.

"We are tied with the holy words and promises of matrimony. How could you say this to me?" cried Sara.

Aidil got up, took the car key and stormed out of the house. A loud roar of engine could be heard outside followed by the screeching sounds of tyres. Aidil sped off like a wind.

Sara broke down in tears again. She felt as if her heart was stabbed with a dagger. She felt every muscle of her body had limped and she was too fragile to get up. Her son had stopped crying. He seemed to understand the pain his mother faced and did not want to hurt her more with his cry.

This was not the first time Aidil badly treated her. So many countless times over other matters which could have been solved peacefully. A hard-headed and quick-tempered Aidil would not take it. He felt that he was right in everything.

The incident had left Sara in pain. She sighed again....She had called her mother and asked her advice.

"Come back to me, baby. If he said that, it means he doesn't want you anymore. Come back here." said her mother.

Now, she still looked into the darkness of the night and haven't decided on what to do.

**Just a wandering mind of Balqis. The story was written for the sake of writing and does not reflect me in any way or any situation.

Balqis
08.11.2010
A rainy Monday night.


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